The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 5

Lol y’all my bad attitude is back. OOPS.

Okay, but wasn’t tonight’s episode just a joke episode? Like, none of these idiots have a chance, why am I watching two full hours of Becca spending time with men she has NO interest in.

Except, except, EXCEPT! Wills is the best contestant to ever be on this show! OMG I am in love with him, sorry Warren.

The bad things first, so I can gush about Wills again:

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 5

10. Colton bores me to my very core. I have no idea what he said except that I think he said Aly Raisman dumped him? Does he have the biggest human head in the world?

9. Bachelor producers: I can promise you that no one wants to see people write love songs, especially twice in one season.

8. Lol, Chris claims he had the best performance as if it matters at all (it doesn’t), and it’s actually true (it’s not).

7. Becca asks Jordan and David to absorb the silence and David just yammers on in his excruciating monotone. I literally cannot.

6. Jordan may be ridiculous, but he really isn’t a villain! Why are you so obsessed with him, David? And I do really think he’s making stuff up because Jordan actually seems honest, even if extremely vapid.

5. “I was vulnerable and I got no reward,” says Jordan. Uh, hi, welcome to being a woman like all the time. JK JK but dude, you don’t get a reward for being vulnerable, that’s why it’s a whole thing. The whole thing is that it’s a risk and uncomfortable!

4. “You owe me 50,000 kisses,” Chris says to Becca. SHE OWES YOU NOTHING.

3. After David uses triggering (and I honestly think made up) language to Becca saying that Jordan is settling for her, she gets rightfully upset and he says he, “couldn’t feel better right now.” Dude! You’re supposed to be pursuing her, not hurting her!

2. Oh hell no, Chris asks to steal Becca from Wills and she says TWICE that they just sat down and then he asks Wills!! As if Becca didn’t already speak for herself! She just told you to be a 50/50 partner and you won’t even listen to her!

1. Chris the psychopath with the fuse the size of his micropenis (sorry, men with small penises deserve love too/don’t make jokes about it, it’s unhelpful/but I hate his attitude/always assume these dickwads are overcompensating for ego issues) gushes to Becca that he would never leave because he wants to be her husband, literally says, “I’m fucking leaving,” because he didn’t get his way. PSYCHO.

WE DON’T DESERVE WILLS! First of all, his outfits! Second of all, the way he always tries to help Becca relax and be stress free when she’s around him! Third of all, the way he handled a dumb fabricated confrontation! LASTLY THE WAY HE SAID, “SUP BABY!”

OMG be still my heart.

Oh also, Becca wore some weird outfits and continues to be in love with Garrett.

See y’all next week!



*Feature image source: 

Share This Post: Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookPin on PinterestShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on TumblrEmail this to someonePrint this page