The Bachelor Recap: Love Lines

Back again so soon! What will my life be like this week when I have to go a whole week without The Bachelor? Maybe I’ll be able to read??

As fantasy suite episodes go, I did not find this one that remarkably boring (except for every second Lauren was on screen), so I’m honestly feeling good going into this recap. Let’s go!

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 10

10. “A dune buggy is like a relationship.” LOL. I know that is the entire conceit of every date on this show, but this was a new low for the analogies.

9. Arie’s clothes on this episode did him no favors. What was with the socks rolled halfway up his calves after his date with Lauren? Has he worn that polka dot short sleeved shirt seven times already? Was he trying to look like Mr. Rogers (god bless him) on the catamaran?

8. Apparently, Arie thinks Lauren is so funny. He said this, supposedly. I know this because I saw a bunch of people tweet about how perplexing this is. However, despite rewinding Lauren’s date at least five times, I didn’t hear this because I was so bored out of my mind that I couldn’t even listen to their words.

7. LOL just casually watching the beautiful and romantic sunset in Peru with my two girlfriends!

6. Lauren says to Arie, maybe 10 times that we see, that the longer she stays, the stronger her feelings will get. WE KNOW YOU TOLD US ALREADY GOOD GOD.

5. Why is this asswipe Ross talking to Arie first? Are you asking his freaking permission? Does Arie own Becca now and you want to own her again? Props to Arie for saying over and over that he can’t speak for Becca.

4. Y’all, I hate to be straight mean about the women on this show for characteristics that aren’t horrible and mean, just boring and meh, but I can’t resist anymore. What on earth does he see in Lauren? I CANNOT. She is so dry, her inflection never ever changes, neither does her facial expression, she doesn’t open her mouth at all when she speaks, she is SO BORING. Ugh, she is one of very few people whose boringness actually offends me.

3. Okay, actually, the whole Ross and Becca thing was very heartbreaking. He did not handle that well, but it seems clear to me that he did want her back and not just because she was on the show, though likely just because he couldn’t have her anymore. And Becca immediately started crying upon seeing him which is not a sign to me that she still has feelings for him, but that she still carries hurt from him (which does not prevent her from being ready to get married). I felt uncomfortable watching that like it was not my place to be a spectator on all of this history.

2. Arie cannot stop talking about choosing the wrong person and I feel like sure, I’ve never been on this show before, but he seems obsessively worried about this. This seems like in Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast where he said that people who ran off the road and hit these huge rails always said they were focusing so hard on not hitting the rails…

1. We have been through the epic mistake of telling two women you love them on this show before (hi, sweet Ben Higgins). It is incredibly reckless with your future fiancé’s feelings to not restrain yourself enough to not say it on camera, but it is just heartless to say it over and over and over again to two women when you know you will only be with one.

And now my random thoughts/predictions:

  • “Why is hotel management here?” was a great burn. Nice job, Arie.
  • Kendall is so delightful, so self-aware, so confident, so magical. PLEASE BE OUR NEXT BACHELORETTE.
  • Y’all that bed in the glamping tent was so small.
  • I am genuinely enjoying how into the food Arie is, especially knowing that they feed them off camera so they won’t be eating on camera. Man after my own heart.
  • The mics picked up their (Kendall’s?) heart beating when Arie and Kendall hugged during their breakup and it got me EMOTIONAL.
  • I’m not going to predict the end because I have failed you as an unbiased recapper and I googled the spoilers. I AM SO SORRY. I won’t do it again! But I promise I didn’t put any bias into any of my recaps so you ain’t finding anything hidden in there, I promise.

See y’all next week!



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