The Bachelor Recap: DIE IN A FIRE, ARIE

Y’all. Y’ALL.

I literally wrote an entire recap that I had to trash because the second we got to an ON CAMERA ENGAGEMENT BREAK UP BLINDSIDE where all Arie could talk about were his fucking feelings….. OH BOY.

What in the. What. What. How. Why. Seriously. WHY.

What went into Arie’s thought process where he thought he should END HIS ENGAGEMENT ON CAMERA?


I’m doing that thing where you talk in all caps and so the all caps lose their power, but honestly, I am A WRECK OF HATRED. (Also I try not to cuss on the blog that much anymore because you know, #momlife, but that’s straight out the window tonight.)

I’m trying to write this as I’m still watching and I am, like, OVERHEATING.

There was so so so so so so much wrong with this episode and how Arie and his family behaved before we even hit the first of two breakups, but I can’t even think about it anymore.

I can’t even put together thoughts. WHAT IS HAPPENING. Here is my actual stream of consciousness because that’s all I got for you.

  • He thinks about Lauren when he goes to bed with BECCA AND WAKES UP WITH BECCA? WHAT ON EARTH? Does he think this is romantic to tell us??
  • Omg sweet, magnificent Becca thinks she’s in Los Angeles for a happy couple weekend? And he’s going to break up with her ON CAMERA??
  • This is the worst breakup I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Stop trying to get her to like you!!
  • Wait, is he an actual psychopath? Like should we check up on Lauren? He went outside to stare pensively at the ring on camera so he’d look like he has compassion, but oh lord. This is insane.
  • Dear god, LEAVE BECCA ALONE. All she wants is for you to go and you keep coming back over and over and over. Leave her alone! Leave her alone! She’s not going to forgive you and we never will either!
  • He knocks on the door and says, “Are you okay?” like she has a freaking stomachache!!
  • Oh my GOD she keeps asking him to leave, why won’t he leave!?!?!
  • All he cares about is HIS FEELINGS and how HE looks and being forgiven and I hate him SO SO MUCH.
  • It kills Arie to see Becca like this, you guys. POOR ARIE.
  • Becca is an amazing, perfect being and I love her so much. Good girl for not letting him touch you.
  • I can’t. I can’t. I literally cannot.

Um, okay. Well, this was a crap recap. I’m really sorry about that, you guys. Let’s discuss how we feel about this together, please?

I promise to try harder tomorrow (okay, I really had 800 words written already, but like, who am I to talk about Arie’s dates in Peru when the breakup we just saw unfolded?).

Becca, darling, you are beautiful. If you aren’t our next Bachelorette, I’m buying a one-way ticket to Los Angeles to BURN ABC TO THE GROUND. See you tomorrow night and I have no idea how I’m distracting myself through the day.



*Feature image source:

Share This Post: Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookPin on PinterestShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on TumblrEmail this to someonePrint this page