Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 1

10. Jordan is truly, and unintentionally, hysterical and he is a treasure to watch. But omg, apparently salt spray all year round is taxing. Dude, try being a woman.

9. Why did they have Kaitlyn join the Bachelorettes and not let her say a word? Like seriously, why do they hate her so much? (I know, I know, she spoiled her season.) Jojo and Rachel were great but it was so blatant and awkward!

8. Stop calling Becca a girl! I don’t know why, but this bugs me so so much every season! Yes, I often say, “the girls” in reference to the women on the Bachelor, but Becca is your leading lady. She is a woman!

7. Garrett does a horrible and inexplicable Chris Farley impression and I swear, I can’t watch another one.

6. The, “let’s do the damn thing,” is just really out of hand already, but it’s almost like soooooo overdone that it’s lost all meaning. And it’s sweet, albeit not exactly creative when the guys try to say her catchphrase? So I mean, it’s exhausting and also just, eh, who cares.

5. Chris knows some drama about Chase, Blake, and Christon encourage him to make it a whole thing because they aren’t idiots and then Chase decides to use his alone time to talk about this? This was very bizarre, but as usual, the defensiveness gives him away.

4. Lol, Jake keeps insisting that he only remembers meeting Becca once like that’s going to reassure her that he’s not just here for TV. “You are not that memorable, Becca, but please, let me stay on TV and have a chance to marry you, I’m sincere, I promise!’

3. Colton is wearing a VELVET VEST HOODIE in his intro package, I cannot. I literally put this note in bold so I wouldn’t forget to talk about the true horror of it.

2. Kamil does something that already rang a little… off to me by asking Becca to walk towards him because in a relationship they should meet halfway. I mean, sure, but she’s in the power position tonight, you idiot, that’s the whole point of this show, let her have it. BUT THEN he says 60/40 and tries to get her to walk towards him more! WHAT. WHAT. Is that supposed to be charming? It makes me want to throw up that he thought that would be cute, I hate men.

1. Y’all, so Garrett seemed fine, theoretically. And it’d be nice if this show existed in a vacuum, but alas, some horrible stuff has been dug up about him, like that he thinks David Hogg (you know, the student whose school was recently shot up) is a crisis actor and that feminists are ugly. So my jaw DROPPED when he got that first impression rose, especially with the Jojo foreshadowing early on. NOOOOOO, someone save Becca.