The Bachelor Recap: Ban Arie Forever

Oh god, I hate this show. I hate Arie and his dumb face. I hate Chris Harrison’s simpering self-satisfaction. I hate it all.

I was so anxious for tonight’s episode so we could get the end of this story and then I felt almost sick watching it. This franchise and what they do to people for the sake of money and ratings is truly disgusting.

I love Becca and I want to support her so I will watch her season, but then I am desperately looking for an out after her.

We’re back to our traditional format, but before we start, I want to clarify that I:

  • understand why Arie felt pressure to propose;
  • realize that he thought Becca was the right choice even though Lauren felt right;
  • would never expect him to stay in an engagement that wasn’t right;
  • truly do think he’s a better match for Lauren.

But all of this can be true and he still handled this extremely, extremely poorly. He showed no empathy for Becca throughout any part of this process and is completely focused on his own feelings. Basically, he fucking sucks.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 12

10. They made Becca fly home from her videotaped breakup in a coach middle seat! They don’t care about her at all and I hope she remembers that as Bachelorette.

9. LOL you guys, it was selfless of Arie to record the conversation! OHHHHH, oops I guess I totally misread the situation (no, no I did not).

8. Seconds after taking Arie back after he dumped her to propose to someone else, Lauren tells him she hopes the engagement doesn’t take much longer. Girlfriend. Think higher of yourself! Make this guy earn your trust back.

7. When Lauren asks Arie a couple of softball questions about why he chose Becca, he says she was safe and she’d be a good wife. He can go fuck himself real hard. She is so much more than potentially a good wife.

6. Chris Harrison can fuck off asking for absolution from Becca about recording Arie dumping her. It’s an awful thing y’all did and you did it all so social media would explode talking about it so take the freaking heat.

5. Arie is an actual monster. He couldn’t care less about Becca or that he hurt her. He cares that he feels bad, not at all that she’s hurt. “I feel a little bit like a monster right now,” he says in the car after ending his engagement. YEAH. Take it in and deal with it.

4. Okay, this was an aside from Jason Mesnick but it gets at one of my biggest pet peeves. Jason says, “There are bad things happening in the world and he’s just trying to figure his life out.” No. I hate this fallacy. People are complex, multifaceted beings with the ability to care about multiple things. They can care deeply about gun violence and take a break to watch a vapid reality show. And y’all depend on us caring! So don’t then put us down for being passionate like we’re petty and unprincipled. UGH.

3. I mean, of course, Arie was going to propose to Lauren, he’ll do literally whatever the show asks of him, but yuck. Really is that really how you want your proposal to go? With the tepid applause of a bunch of strangers who want you to fail in the background? Freaking do something special for her and let them record it or something for crying out loud.

2. Oh my GOD Arie didn’t watch Monday’s episode! He put Becca through that and made her watch it in front of a live audience and he can’t be bothered to watch it? He is a spineless, selfish shit monster.

1. ALAFDLKAJFDLKDAJD I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING INTO THE VOID about how all Arie cares about is his own feelings! He literally says that it’s working with Lauren because she knows taking the risk was very difficult for him. Of all the people involved in this, it was EASIEST for Arie. I feel so desperately bad for Lauren and Becca and I hate Arie so much.

And now let us move on to discuss wonderful things, essentially only things about Becca:

  • God bless the women from the season actually talking about how awful Arie is. Becca can’t so she can be Bachelorette and Chris Harrison is shilling Arie’s redemption like his life depends on it (kind of does?) but these women are NOT here for it.
  • Becca’s friends freaking out as they announced Becca as Bachelorette warmed my soul.
  • Omg, “what do I do with my hands?” Becca nervously yells as they announce she has to meet the guys. Girl after my own heart.
  • I love Becca but if she says, “let’s do the damn thing,” one more time…
  • I actually like all of the men that came to meet Becca, but god bless the first guy mispronouncing Arie’s name and calling him a wanker. He’s my favorite forever.

Let’s leave Arie behind. I never want to see his face again. The cuddle pile of women on the show is all I want to remember. See y’all in a few months for Becca’s well-deserved season. Please don’t fuck it up, ABC.



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