Tonight, we had a short little episode of the Bachelor and besides not having the normal structure I’m used to, I am quite grateful—both because sorry, we do not need two hours when there are this few women, and because I am 100 pages out from the end of Big Little Lies so THANK GOD I can finish it tonight without staying up all night.
That said, next week’s three-hour extravaganza is going to be PAINFUL (I still like this show I swear).
I’m doing a short little recap tonight (less time means less to whine about) (also, Raven is my favorite since Rachel can’t win so again, less things to whine about). And last week I missed so many anti-feminist things happening that I think I have some, “I want to like Nick” blinders on, so I’m taking a break from his great moments this week as well.
Here are the 5 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 9
5. Corinne actually did break my heart when she cry-sobbed to Nick, “I’m sorry if I ever did anything to upset you” and her little, “I’m not kissing up to a man ever again” speech was great. BUT GIRL. If you really want a normal relationship, DON’T GO ON THE BACHELOR.
4. Nick doesn’t care if his woman can clean and cook for him. Um, am I supposed to be impressed by this? Why are you even talking about it?
3. Okay, like, yikes that Raven has never said I love you. And look, plenty of people get married to the only person they’ve said I love you to or had sex with, but Nick is 36! 36! He’s had sex with LOTS OF WOMEN. There is no way that the two of them could have a functional relationship not full of jealousy and complications with their vast differences in experience. I certainly hope so, but it makes me very nervous.
2. Anyone else REMARKABLY uncomfortable during the conversation with Raven about men loving their mothers and not dating women like their mothers? As someone who is already joking that no woman will ever be good enough for my unborn son, I STILL FOUND THIS WEIRD.
1. I’m really upset that this stupid show is making me type the word orgasm on a blog that my mom reads, UGH, but Is Raven serious? Why on earth did she keep dating this joker? And does she really mean that she’s NEVER had an orgasm or just not, like, you know, from CERTAIN THINGS? (Can you tell how uncomfortable I am talking about this? I went to a Southern-Baptist church in high school. Cut me some slack.) No matter what, it’s all awful.
Some random thoughts and predictions:
- Everyone in Hoxie knows who that ex of Raven’s is who couldn’t make her orgasm—GOOD GIRL.
- Raven’s I love you speech was probably one of the best I’ve seen on this show? She’s good at it! Why doesn’t she say it more?
- Andi’s little chat with Nick was of course sweet and nothing scary and they were both very charming and kind. Hooray!
- And thank god for Andi’s little speech in praise of sex between consenting adults! Yes! Have sex! Don’t be weird about it just because your viewers are repressed.
- Gross, I can’t believe Chris Harrison said, “Will Raven’s date come to a satisfying end?”
So next week, we see Vanessa’s and Rachel’s date and honestly, they have a lot of work to do before I see Vanessa as a real option for Nick. Do they like each other at all? I don’t get it. See you then!
*Feature image source: twiiter.com/BachelorABC