The Bachelor Recap: Three Torturous Hours

Are we going to get some sort of reward for making it through three hours of The Bachelor two weeks in a row?

I mean, honestly, the fact that I survived that “Women Tell All” disaster probably means I shouldn’t have to work the rest of the week. My heart rate is already elevated so I can make a baby, I truly can’t handle the yelling.

I also have no real investment at all in Vanessa and Nick? So either Raven wins and I’m so excited or Vanessa wins and they are already broken up and I couldn’t care less.

Anyways, let’s talk about the three hours of torture we all endured.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 10

10. If actual relationship decisions and challenges were as easy to overcome as it is to jump in ice water, there would be way fewer divorces. You jumped in ice water! Congrats– you’re stupid! You’ll still fight over Vanessa’s family for the rest of your lives!

9. But seriously, why do they include women on the tell all that left the first night? They maybe spoke to Nick for three minutes, maybe? And now they just want to say things like “slob kebab” and try to be a star? No, thank you.

8. Okay, Liz was charming and gave an actual answer (finally) to why her interest in Nick suddenly changed once he was the Bachelor and her speech about everyone deserving love was certainly well-intentioned, but GIRL. Was there ever any question that you wouldn’t deserve love because you had casual sex once? I mean, Americans are judgmental assholes, so I guess they made you think there was but uh, NO. Have a wedding one-night stand. It’s not a big deal.

7. Look, honestly, all the women yelling at either Corinne or Taylor needed to shut up. Don’t get involved in other people’s fights! This kind of screentime does not make you look good!

6. Corinne talking about Raquel continues to be uncomfortable! I super appreciate how much Corinne loves Raquel and I don’t care that she calls her a nanny. But the way she talks about her title and what she does is….still icky.

5. “BUT TAYLOR HAS A MASTER’S,” is getting so old. Plenty of dumb people have master’s degrees. Also, plenty of smart people are total dicks. Ain’t no excuse to be a condescending monster.

4. I really, really wish Corinne had apologized to Taylor because I guess Taylor apologized? I mean, she didn’t apologize TO Corinne, but whatever. Basically, they both look awful yelling at each other.

3. Vanessa annoys me so much and I swear to God, if she had said “core values” one more time, I would have broken my TV. Also, hi, eating lunch weekly with your family is NOT A CORE VALUE. And being so rigid on something only you share with your family is a disaster waiting to happen. You can still prioritize your family, but your relationship needs to come first! Maybe you want to do something with the new family you create with your partner? Clearly not.

2. TAYLOR SHUT UP ABOUT BEING JUDGED FOR BEING A COUNSELOR. Literally, no one cares that you’re a counselor. Everyone cares that you’re rude and condescending and think you’re better than everyone because you have two degrees. Literally, no one cares AT ALL THAT YOU’RE A COUNSELOR. I want to throw up at her, “helping profession” nonsense. I can’t. I can’t.

1. Chris Harrison completely lost control of this hosting gig. All the woman yelling at the same time was truly awful. It made women look annoying as all hell. It gave me a headache. It was truly awful.

My random thoughts on the actual show and not the”Women Tell All” nonsense because I hate the “Women Tell All”:

The “Raven had an orgasm” montage of her dancing through Finland was ridiculous and funny and she is such a good sport.
Rachel and Nick had such a cute date and Nick seemed so happy to hear that she was falling in love with him. Comparing that to his date with Vanessa made this whole thing so confusing. I’m assuming this is all editing to make drama for us so we will expect him to pick Raven even though he’ll pick Vanessa? But it’s backfiring so hard—I don’t like him and Vanessa together AT ALL.
Rachel is a perfect angel and I can’t wait to watch her next season.
I hope so hard Raven wins and this old tired editing of The Bachelor is not what I expect, but… I am ready to be disappointed.