The Bachelor Recap: Meltdowns for Everyone

Oh boy, absolutely everyone is full on melting down. So much angst!

Everyone is questioning everything and sometimes, theses ladies just need to remember they’re on a TV show and not everything means SOMETHING.

Meanwhile, Nick seems to be taking this seriously for the first time this week. He’s just been hanging around having fun and now he’s getting very nervous that he hasn’t magically fallen in love while making out with 30 women. I know, it’s all very shocking.

It’s time for serious Bachelor, which I both appreciate because I’m tired of the randos and also dread because it’s about to get SO. BORING.

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10. Lol, why did Nick ever think it was a good idea to take shots and get wasted with a bunch of anxious women? PARTY WITH ALL THE WOMEN COMPETING FOR MY ATTENTION!! And then, I’ll make them play volleyball while I just watch!! SO FUN! Poor judgment, honey.

9. Nick, stop lying to the camera. You have not looked at Whitney and thought she could be the person you spend the rest of your life with. You have maybe spent two hours with her.

8. Okay, so I get Jasmine’s meltdown because I can see how frustrating this must be, but I always hate when these leftover girls lack self-awareness. Like, obviously you’re still here because he has to have nine women. What about your “relationship” makes you think you might end up his wife? I love when the randos realize they’re randos and just have fun. Chill.

7. Oh lord, Taylor, give it up. I can’t think of a bigger turn off than acting the way she did by storming in on a date and saying, “Two things: One, Corinne, you lied today. Two, can we talk?” You’re not telling him anything he hasn’t heard about Corinne, you’re just telling him a lot about you (in that you’re kind of petty and vengeful and rude).

6. JASMINE STOP SAYING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER I SWEAR TO GOD.

5. Corinne comparing Lorna to Raquel is just, like, a lot dehumanizing, even though I know she seems to actually genuinely care about Raquel and like Lorna. STILL.

4. Yikes, did it feel like Nick handled the group date conversation with Rachel, horribly? The end of the, “I don’t want you to be here if you don’t want to be here” sentence is, “but I really, really want you to be here.” He was basically like, “It’s hard, I’m sorry, maybe things will work out.” Great job!

3. Nick getting so upset and nervous about himself and the show working out because he’s not in love with brunette Danielle, who is remarkably bland, is such a stupid waste of energy.

2. I tried so hard to melt into nonexistence watching Jasmine choking Nick and saying, literally, “It’s sexual.” So horribly unbearable to watch.

1. I’m sorry, but Nick did not say, “I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” to the women. That was straight added in by the producers. And he did not leave. Stop being ridiculous—I ain’t falling for your nonsense anymore.

Okay, Nick was also very angsty so this was a bit of a stretch, but whatever.

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5. Nick’s “I am so uncomfortable” facial expressions were truly amazing. Thank you for speaking for all of us.

4. I was quite impressed with Nick’s rose ceremony! He finally got rid of the interesting people that had zero chance of winning. Now, things feel less producer manipulated (and by that I mean Nick planning with the producers to make good TV).

3. When Whitney starts trying to do her best to bring down Danielle, Nick shuts her down quickly, reminding her it’s about them and not Danielle. It’s not always woman against woman! Don’t make it so! Good job Nick! (Although, he started the conversation about Danielle, so maybe, not so great?)

2. Nick tells Kristina that when he’s with her, he feels like she brings color to his life, referencing how she described her decision to move to America, which was remarkably cheesy and also melted my heart.

1. Nick so sad made me very sad, but how much do I love a man who’s not afraid to tell women his feelings and cry on national television with no embarrassment?

Some random thought and predictions:

  • I’m obviously Team Rachel, but Raven is hysterical: “If Jasmine was a vegetable, she’d be a turnip because she is turned all the way up.”
  • Blonde Danielle is so sweet and innocent, hoping that Taylor will leave without any animosity. LOL.
  • Okay, so now that we have seen the “HUGE DRAMA” they have been messing around with, I think I can comfortably go back to my top three of Rachel, Vanessa, and Raven. They are downplaying Vanessa, which could means she wins? But I also think Raven has a strong chance.
  • Also, Nick is not stupid enough to sleep with Corinne. If they aren’t playing sex noises for us, then don’t buy it.

Nick obviously stays and gets over this bout of anxiety and obviously, he doesn’t have sex with Corinne and nothing in the preview was honest at all. See you next week for whatever actually happens! 

XOXO,

@AliceMcAlex

*Feature image source: Twitter.com/TheBachelor

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