Oh, the Men Tell All episode. What a joy. Who doesn’t want to relive all of the worst moments of the season while watching recaps of a show still BURNED into our memory to the soundtrack of a bunch of assholes’ commentary?
Every season’s Men Tell All/Women Tell All, there is the same cast of characters to look forward to:
- The guy whose name maybe four viewers can remember (and they’re all his mom and her friends) who thinks this is his moment to shine and keeps blab blab blabbing even though literally no one cares about his opinion (hi, Corey).
- The guy who thinks he gets to host the show and change/dominate the subject whenever he wants (hi, Kupah).
- The guy who got kicked out the first episode and is only here for a free trip to Los Angeles (hi, Ryan M).
- There’s the guy(s) we want to hear from the entire night who sits by classily — which, like, fine, is a good way to handle this nonsense — but we miss you (Ben Z, Jared, Ben H, even Cupcake).
There were so many things to hate this episode. But not Kaitlyn! She remains a gem, even when nervous and pushed to uncomfortable places.
Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 11
10. Why no Tony?? I mean, he annoys me as much as the next gal, but we got nothing from him!
9. Ugh, remember when they had the guy who lost his mom go on a wake date? Thanks for the reminder, guys.
8. I really want to give Ian props for apologizing, because admitting you’re wrong on television probably isn’t easy. But, don’t end it with “I hope that people accept this an example of my humility.” Humble people don’t point out that they’re humble.
7. Is Cupcake okay?? Is he less sad??? Will we ever know???? Thanks for nothing, Men Tell All.
6. Just, why are the recaps SO long. We literally saw Ben H leave last week! We haven’t forgotten it, I promise! So boring.
5. Blegh all the jokes about Clint and JJ felt WEIRD. Like are we trying to embarrass them? Are we trying to point out how uncomfortable these macho guys are with gay people? What are we doing? Eh, I’m not going to read anything into it because this is The Bachelorette, but it was played out.
4. Oh my dear God, Corey. What a major ass! Corey, literally, I can’t remember one thing about you on this show and I RECAP IT. No one cares about your opinion. Seriously, no one. Why are you talking so much on the Men Tell All? Why do you think anybody at all cares about what you have to say? Because, let me reiterate: no one does. I get so riled up when a D-List Bachelorette contestant talks the whole time.
3. Kupah! You can’t just interrupt a conversation and change the subject. That is Chris Harrison’s job! You weren’t even around when Nick came on because you had already imploded!
2. Corey says he’s not bashing Kaitlyn, but she made a lot of decisions in bad taste that were disgraceful and America agrees with him. Disgraceful? Okay, this is a reality dating competition show. Calm down. And, we know that you probably sent some of those horrifying mean tweets.
1. These tweets are just psycho. Who are these crazy people? ABC 100% should have left their handles for us to see. If you’re going to tweet psycho stuff publicly, you better be fine getting put on blast (a la Chrissy Tiegen).
And now for a new segment of The Bachelorette Recaps:
Here are the 5 Best Things Chris Harrison Did on The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All
5.Chris Harrison says to JJ, “As strange as it may seem to everyone, Kaitlyn really liked you.” Sick burn, bro.
4. Chris Harrison told Jared to shave his spotty beard! He did! He looks SO. MUCH. BETTER.
3. “A good cry is healthy,” Chris Harrison tells Ben Z. Amen to that!
2. Chris Harrison tells Kaitlyn that he’d take Kaitlyn as a role model for his kids over any of the cyber bullies. ME TOO.
1. Chris Harrison’s reaction face when JJ slaps himself was the best hosting he’s ever done. Amazing!
Other random thoughts:
- Would I lose all my credibility if after thoroughly hating the two Bachelorette twist, I wanted both Ben Z and Ben H to be the next Bachelors? Because, fine, I get the Ben H thing for the first time.
- Joe’s hair! So much better! I see the appeal now.
- Kaitlyn sounded super Canadian tonight and I dug it.
- Do y’all remember how boring the Chris Soules blooper reel was? This blooper reel was amazing in comparison.
- Ugh, there’s a live after show for Bachelor in Paradise. I mean, duh I’m going to watch, but do you ever feel like they have your entire life??
I’m legit nervous about next week. Make the right decision, Kaitlyn! I guess it’s not my place to tell you what that is! But how will I not freak out! Catch me panicking and tweeting along @Alicemcalex!
*Feature image source: Rick Rowell, ABC. Originally seen on People.com.