This week was Beyoncé’s 35th birthday. She’s officially old enough to run for President! Do you think she’ll save us from our national nightmare and run someday? No, she definitely won’t.
I love Beyoncé so much, sometimes it’s hard to express. I couldn’t even figure out how to properly celebrate her birthday in time because there’s just too much love, it’s overwhelming, you know?
So I thought a lot, and in honor of my queen’s birthday (just a little late), I wanted to let you know all of the amazing things I have in common with Beyoncé, because duh.
- I’m a woman! Can you imagine having to be a man when we have Beyoncé on our team? Like, seriously, how tragic.
- We’re both from Texas because that’s where American queens are born.
- Our husbands (Warren is 15 days from being my husband so chill) are both 12 years older than us! That’s because we’re too much for a man our own age to handle, obviously.
- We’re both best friends with Sasha and Malia Obama. Wait, I’m not actually their best friend and that’s all in my head? Dang it.
- I too sweat a lot when I dance (around my living room, not on stage). Do I look like an angel while doing so? Not exactly, but whatever, we’re both sweating.
- So Beyoncé’s name actually came from Tina’s maiden name Beyincé and my fiancé is working me HARD to try to get me to name one of our future daughter’s Myall, my mother’s maiden name and my middle name. At first, I thought he made up the story about Tina’s maiden name! He didn’t. So maybe I will? I won’t…. but maybe?
- I also have an alter ego, like Sasha Fierce. Mine is named Alicé and she wears crop tops and is fabulous.
- We both like to make our men uncomfortable by talking about our relationships in public!
- I mean, not to compare my body to Beyoncé’s because LOL, but we both have thighs that are DOING WORK.
- We are both the best performers of all time! No, wait, that’s just Beyoncé.
I love you, Beyoncé! Can’t wait to basically dedicate my entire wedding to you in just two weeks and to worship you the rest of my life.