Well this episode of The Mindy Project was very self aware like the writers were talking directly to us.

“All the quibbles you had last week, viewers and recappers of the world? Duh, of course we know your quibbles. Let’s make fun of them together!”

We start with a nightmare sequence that really, I should have known was a dream much earlier than I did. Mindy would never sleep with Morgan! I was straight freaking out and eagerly looking for whatever distraction would stop Mindy from hooking up with Morgan even if she hadn’t had sex in a really long time.

Like most super fans, I became immediately aware something was up when we saw Morgan’s stomach tattoo said “Come to Morgan” and not “No More Stealing Cars.” Finally, thank god, Mindy awakes from this nightmare world concluding that she really needs to have sex to avoid something so awful.

In the office the next day, Jody is freaking out about talking to Mindy, assuming she’s seen the letter. Apparently the first time he has to see her is for a gynecological exam? Dude, why is Jody Mindy’s doctor? I know he had to give her birth control to save her from Danny (okay actually I forgot this and had to read old recaps to remember it), but this is SO WEIRD!

When Jody realizes Mindy clearly hasn’t gotten the letter, but now wonders what he sent her, he asks her to come to an Elementary viewing party. I honestly can’t tell if this Elementary story line is a making fun of network TV shows? Yeah, I mean, it must be.

Mindy says she’ll come to the party and that there’s basically no point for an exam since she hasn’t had sex in so long- six months. Okay that’s how long Ross hadn’t had sex in that Friends episode where we find out how Ross and Rachel hooked up to conceive Emma and honestly, six months seems like a fairly standard dry spell so calm down comedy characters. Jody’s longest dry spell was 10 days, which, is actually worrisome but of course.

Jody’s barely-there dry spell causes Mindy to yell the most relatable line for all kids who were nerds in high school, “I haven’t had sex in six months! That’s the longest I’ve gone without having sex since the first 25 years of my life.” Lol.

Realizing he still has time to get the love letter back from Mindy, Jody goes to Morgan to ask him to retrieve the letter from her apartment. Actually, this is the best way of invading someone’s privacy, because at least Jody isn’t doing it himself. Morgan hesitates, but he gives in for a payment of 500 cents. What? Stop it.

Meanwhile, Mindy is meeting with her friend Chelsea after her monthly exam. OMG, I love Chelsea, can she be back all the time? Chelsea offers to help Mindy find a hook up through “Pork It,” a ridiculous and probably real app that guarantees women sex in under five minutes.

Scared off by that prospect, Mindy asks for something for timid moms and Chelsea suggests “Cuddle Spot,” a dating site which caters to adults who feel like their best years have passed them by.

Wait a second, does this app exist yet? For real, any developers want to help me make this app? Come on, there are racist dating sites, religious dating sites, dating sites for farmers, dating sites for old people- this one is all we need!

Mindy has her first cuddle date and I straight lost it when we find out it’s Toby from The Office. Stop it right now. How perfect.

Toby is basically playing Toby, hesitant to make love until his heart has connected with Mindy’s heart. She’s pulling out all her best moves (including jazz singing which is duh from SATC) and he’s jut not having it. Mindy peaces when he starts talking about being bullied which is 100% the right thing to do. Bullying is awful but adults who talk about it are truly insufferable.

The next day, Jeremy invites himself to Jody’s viewing party because of course he is a huge Sherlock Holmes fan. (But I mean also, how does this dorky Jeremy jibe with last week’s Jeremy?) When everyone stares at him to find out why he and Mindy are hanging out alone, Jody ends up inviting the whole office. Thank god, because Tamra already bought the ingredients for her one-layer dip, ranch.

Unfortunately for Jody, Mindy bails on him AGAIN (Mindy, stop bailing! So rude!) to try out “Pork It.” She meets her porker in a bar and he is actually pretty cute for someone using a sex app but also extremely creepy and not down for small talk, heading immediately to the bathroom for pumping (which is “Pork It” language for sex?).

Instead of following him into the bathroom, Mindy starts chatting with the cute bartender, J.J. (not owner – dude this is a bar in Manhattan) and I’m into this new romantic interest. Where do I know this actor from? It’s literally driving me crazy, but he’s cute and husky (is husky the right word? I mean it nicely!) and funny.

He convinces Mindy not to have random sex with a creepy stranger in a public restroom (well, she kind of convinces herself) and I have to say, I’m pretty sad she doesn’t ask J.J. out right then.

At the Elementary viewing party, Jody’s house is straight from a 1865 Southern Living issue and everyone is having a great time. Jody finds himself enchanted with the show, especially the romantic tension between the two coworkers/leads.

“Is this show always like this? An Asian woman and brilliant dashing man who work together every day but refuse to admit they’d be a great couple.”

LOL STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Mindy and co are not about to take our complaining about repeat story lines with Jody and Danny. Dude, what do you think we signed up for when we started watching a workplace romcom? Okay, okay. I trust you again, writers.

The next day, Jody is reconsidering his feelings, again, and decides to ask Mindy to coffee. He tells her plenty of people find her attractive and just don’t know how to articulate what they want and ugh, he is pretty sweet. What am I supposed to do with my conflicting feelings about this relationship?

I guess I don’t have to worry about it now, because after they agree to get coffee alone, Danny storms into Jody’s office. Hey! I missed Danny! I mean, don’t date Mindy again, but I still missed him! It turns out Jody accidentally sent the letter to Mindy’s old address and Danny is not happy.

He doesn’t even care what Mindy wants anymore, he just doesn’t want Jody getting to date her. I mean, of course.

Danny bumps into Mindy in the elevator and she knows something is up but he won’t tell her. He rushes back to kiss her on the cheek and tell her to make good choices and I was freaking out. PLEASE DON’T MAKE OUT I CAN’T DO THAT AGAIN YET. Thankfully, they didn’t, but what does he even mean? How is Jody not a good choice? I mean, it’s probably not, but Danny doesn’t know that.

Jody then bails on Mindy (WHY DOES EVERYONE BAIL ON EACH OTHER). This is pretty lame. Like, don’t not hang out with Mindy because her ex made you feel weird about it. He’s her ex!

Mindy’s rightfully over it, so she heads back to the “Pork It” bar to ask the cute bartender over for sex. All right!

She waits for him in a high-necked sweater which is so Mindy. Girl, it’s a sex date! At least put on a v-neck t-shirt! Just when she thinks J.J. will miss his deadline, he comes over and they hook up.

I’m pretty into this J.J. guy, I have to tell you.

Let’s keep this will-they/won’t-they going on for a bit so we can get some tension with J.J. and/or other cool guys. Okay, writers? Oh yeah, I’m supposed to stop telling you what to do.

Some important weekly things:

*Feature Image source: Originally seen on TheAV Club; Hulu

Share This Post: