My wonderful mother likes to remind me after each episode of The Mindy Project that she still does not like Danny. We have had actual fights about this, but last night I was finally on her side! He took Mindy’s TV and her Wi-Fi?? Stop it right now. You were right, Mom — Danny’s the WORST!

Mindy and Danny bring the most adorable baby of all-time home (seriously that baby is at least 3 months old and I’m not complaining). When everything fun is gone (wait why would you disable Wi-FI if you don’t take your phones away?), she rightfully thinks they’ve been robbed. Of course instead he’s one of those people who thinks kids shouldn’t watch screens until they’re 18. Nope, nope, nope — you stop it right now, Danny. I don’t even care if it’s hard on you too since you’ll have to give up The Weather Channel during an El Niño year.

Danny speaks mean Italian to Leo (“How did such a beautiful baby come from such a crazy monster?”) and lies about it to Mindy so now she wants a tramp stamp of it. This is like when I wanted a side tramp stamp (like a tramp stamp but to the side, obviously) just like Lindsay Lohan’s that said “La Bella Vita.” Hey! Stop judging me — she was cool back then!

I love how Danny keeps getting more and more Italian throughout the episode: getting emotional and mumbling “mi familia” as he leaves for work, wearing a tank top that keeps going lower and lower to expose more of his crucifix necklace, and banging the wall when he and Mindy fight.

But before all this, they hear sex noises through the brick wall (nope, calling bullshit on that), and I love Mindy’s line: “that’s the third time this week. I think I’m getting a UTI just thinking about it.” They go to meet their loud sex-having neighbor, Chelsea, and she is a treat.

Danny is very happy with his lines: “This is a family building, not the last days of Rome,” and “Can you dial it down a few shades of grey?” but Chelsea’s takedown of them is even better. I feel like I’m a smug breeder without a baby (but with a dog), yet I’d really like to hang out with Chelsea and the gay anorexic couple who will take Mindy and Danny’s apartment when they move to Scarsdale.

The next day, Mindy and Leo are still in matching PJs (brb pinning something like this for later) as Danny leaves them with way too many rules. New York IS a cesspool of disease though, so maybe leave her some screens so she won’t go outside, for crying out loud.

He’s off to an office meeting, which was absurd. A lot of fun stuff happened in this meeting:

• Jeremy is being weird and happy since he finally has a girlfriend.
• Morgan hates Leo and is mad Dr. L gets time off work when he only got two weeks off for his dog to have puppies (wait, you really need time off for puppies).
• #TLCTuesdays! As in, “I don’t want no scrubs to wear on my body.” I support all healthcare professionals instituting this forever.
• Adrian (that’s his name?), the other doctor, quits to move back to Philly. Cool, that’s fine.

Back with Mindy, she’s of course bored out of her mind. Look, I love reading, but I could not sit and do it all day every day for 12 weeks! Danny’s “care package” for her is just books, none of which she approves of. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (pronounced Hookleberry) has a bunch of the N-words like a Kanye song but a message like a Common song, and she’s so over it. She’s ready to defy Danny and take Leo to a book signing for Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s cookbook and I thought this was real/couldn’t find anything about it on the internet/am I losing my mind?

Of course something goes wrong when she gets back and accidentally lets the door shut on Leo without her keys. Because things always happen like this, Danny’s on his way back right then, which in any normal person’s relationship would be a relief! Leo won’t be alone for long. Instead, she has to use her neighbor Chelsea’s balcony to climb onto her balcony.

I love that Mindy chickens out when she’s literally just as far over as she is back, because this always happens on TV. They get in and hide the junk food and Chelsea just in time. Danny’s back to prop the picture frame back up and check in. Mindy trying to get rid of him is just like me when I’m trying to watch the Kardashians and my fiancé wants to talk. Once he’s gone, we get our first unexpected gag of the episode when the lump under the comforter is the junk food, not Chelsea, who’s hiding in the crib.

They hang out and Chelsea continues to be the best. When she tells Mindy she’d settle down for “an ugly poor,” Mindy calls Morgan and sets up a date. Of course, we’re soon listening to them have sex through the bedroom wall, but not before Morgan discovers Danny’s nanny cam. They then spill the beans on both Danny and Mindy’s secrets within earshot and Mindy and Danny start having the best fight.

“Your first day alone with our baby, you expose him to Jake Gyllenhaal’s germs and then lock him inside of our apartment.”

“Danny! You liked South Paw!”

“But not Brokeback Mountain.”

“Danny!”

“Not my kind of movie”

Lol.

Morgan (in a great pink robe) and Chelsea interrupt the fight, causing Mindy to set off for a drink. Morgan is so gross that Chelsea gives up on him! Danny bangs a wall and locks Morgan out! It’s all very trashy.

Off at the bar, Mindy picks a fight with two dads avoiding their families and one of the dudes is the best little feminist. Moms do have it just as hard, drunk bros of America! But they help Mindy come to her senses and head home with one of those sandwiches Danny likes with the leaves in it.

They both apologize and compromise (“that’s not what I said!”). Happiness is restored just in time to be ruined by a surprise naked Morgan who still has the best tattoo.

OH and yeah, there was a whole other storyline that I also loved. Completely obsessed with #TLCTuesdays, Tamra spends the episode getting involved in Jeremy’s business with his girlfriend Whitney and texting Cousin Sheena. Surprise! Sheena works at the White House—of course she does.

Whitney is not cheating on Jeremy, as they suspect, but apparently has a little cocaine habit (which is not as bad, in my opinion). I hope Tamra and Jeremy keep having weird/perfect storylines together because Tamra is my queen and Jeremy is a doll.

That was a fun episode. Here’s hoping Chelsea will be the female friend Mindy desperately needs.

Some important weekly things:

*Feature image source: Originally seen on The AV Club; Beth Dubber/Hulu

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