The Bachelorette Recap: I Cried My Eyelashes Off

Well, what is there to say, really? I’m sitting here trying to sum up my feelings on this finale and all that’s coming out is a continuous low groaning sound.

She has chosen Bryan, my least favorite guy from the season (besides the racist), and I feel QUITE MEH. We knew this was coming and yet, I was not fully prepared.

Poor Peter. Poor Eric. Poor us.

Let’s discuss it.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Finale

10. I love Rachel so much, but this watching the finale with Rachel thing is so awkward. It feels like such filler which is the worst thing to watch when you’re desperately awaiting an ending.

9. When Bryan comes out, he reproposes which I would find cute if I didn’t find him so smarmy but anyways, he tells her he doesn’t want her to ever take the ring off again. Guys, this is not how you take care of diamonds. Don’t wear your diamonds in the ocean! Or when you’re using hairspray! Or in pools! Am I the only one who follows these rules?

8. In all this lame and boring filler Chris Harrison is doing live, he shares news that Juan Pablo is married and like, sorry, no one cares, but then he says “Ees okay” which I know is his line we all make fun of, but are we allowed to do it with a horrible accent? I want to say no?

7. Sweet, sweet Eric. You are too good for this show/world! I was so sad to see him leave and watch his breakup with Rachel. He is the absolute sweetest. He would be the most perfect Bachelor, but like, for sure it’s not going to happen. (A funny thing I heard on a podcast was that it’s like how America gave us Obama and then backlashed with Trump. The show gave us Rachel, they can’t give us Eric right after.)

6. Bryan says he has to go off the blind faith he’s had since day one with Rachel. Wait… since day one? Are you serious? It is very hard to believe this is about Rachel and not about winning the Bachelorette.

5. Oh god, Peter on this fantasy suite date is the WORST. “You know I care about you. A lot.” NO, run away! Y’all know I love Peter, but a man saying this to you after you cry is possibly the worst thing ever? He’s basically wearing a flashing sign that says, “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.”

4. Yuck, the look of glee on Bryan’s face when he says after the rose ceremony that Rachel wants a proposal and Peter isn’t ready so now, “it’s a battle to see who will win her heart.” Do you love Rachel or do you want to win?

3. Rachel says firmly twice that the Bachelorette/Bachelor show isn’t for Peter which I find rude because, a. I would like him to be our next Bachelor if I can’t get Eric and b. it seems like she is trying to stop him from being the Bachelor which is not very nice.

2. Lord almighty that breakup with Peter was so devastating and real. I honestly couldn’t handle it when Rachel said goodbye and then THAT KISS. I’m literally about to cry again just typing this remembering watching it 10 minutes ago. And then they said I love you?? SOUL CRUSHING.

1. Um, I mean, she chooses Bryan.

My random thoughts:

  • Yes, girl, ask about health insurance and credit checks in the fantasy suite!
  • Eric’s suit at After the Final Rose was FLY. Man, he looked good. He needs his own TV show!
  • Wait, but also Peter’s suit! Well-fitted blue suits for the win.
  • YIKES are they going to handle the Corinne and DeMario thing poorly on Bachelor in Paradise. Can’t wait to feel extremely uncomfortable next week!

Well, there you have it. Rachel remains a perfect goddess and she is in charge of her own decisions. All I want is for her to be happy so if that’s with Bryan… that’s fine, I suppose. ….But really, I’m going to go be depressed for a few days that she didn’t end up with Peter.

It was a joy to recap with you. I’ll see you next season!



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