Guys, I know that I have to whine to do this recap, but this was hands down one of my favorite episodes of this show ever. The romance was mostly meh (EXCEPT PETER WHO I LOVE), but who really cares.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis were on it! They were so cute and funny and amazing! There was a date planned all around Rachel’s dog Copper (and sponsored content #ad)! Peter and Rachel talked about therapy being great! And then they made out! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar laughing at these contestants was delightful! Rachel just TELLS OFF DEMARIO IT WAS AMAZING!
I could not love Rachel more. She knows what she wants, she’s so freaking cool, she’s not putting up with anyone’s nonsense, least of all the producers. She is probably for sure the best bachelorette we’ve ever had.
Okay, also, there was the general nonsense which I have recapped here for posterity, but I will choose to remember this episode for its joyful moments instead.
Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 2
10. Ugh, I liked Alex until I saw his dumb half ponytail situation. YIKES.
9. Lee says the people on the group date have a target on their back because he is clearly a few screws loose of sane. The people on the first group date mean nothing, you weirdo.
8. Okay, it really bothered me how none of the men on this stupid “husband material” obstacle course actually did anything right. Also, these are not tasks actual humans care about. Everyone sucks at every chore. It’s the fight you will have forever until you finally hire a housekeeper, duh.
7. Look, I don’t like Lucas anymore than other sane people, but Blake’s obsession just shows how awful he is too. What he’s not telling y’all is that he knows Lucas from being on another reality dating show….so maybe both of you are just on this for TV? Also, YES KENNY for saying Rachel can spot the nonsense from a mile away.
6. Gross, DeMario says, “Women in general love watching their men play basketball.” This made me roll my eyes so hard and then ugh, Rachel says one of her weaknesses is an athlete—which, like, is totally fair, but doesn’t let me say that she doesn’t care about his nonsense which is ANNOYING.
5. Josiah says “In the jungle, it’s kill or be eaten” and he’s not about to be someone’s meal. VOMIT. Josiah, cool it with the toxic masculinity.
4. No way, Blake talked about Lucas to Rachel this early? You freaking idiot, just let him disappear on his own in the next few weeks and avoid looking like a petty gossip.
3. Oh for crying out loud, all the men decide to go out to DeMario at the security gate to, like, strut their feathers or something. NOPE.
2. Oh boy, this confrontation with DeMario’s girlfriend was a total disaster. I get why Lexi (the girlfriend) was acting how she was, but all the overlapping yelling between her and DeMario was remarkably stressful to me. They made it very obvious he was our girlfriend guy, so happily, good riddance.
1. I swear to God, the next time I hear “husband/wife material” on this stupid show, I might just spontaneously combust. I literally CANNOT. Like, there are not specific qualities that make you qualified to get married. People all want different things—that’s what makes us human. For crying out fucking loud.
My random thoughts and predictions.
- So Peter is for sure my favorite so far, but I know there’s some sleepers in the crowd. I will say it made me quite nervous that he kept one of his hands in his pocket while they were making out. What’s that about? Also, NO with the double-breasted jacket.
- They hardly showed Will, but I think he made Rachel cry (in the good way), so I think he might last awhile.
- Ashton asking who has health insurance was pure gold.
- Kenny talking about the white dudes acting crazy is a peek into what we’ve been missing with the lack of diversity all these past seasons. Don’t deprive us ever again, ABC!
- Dean is cute and charming but seems so young to me. I think she’ll keep him around for some fun, but I can’t imagine him being seriously considered.
- I don’t think Bryan wins….and I’m kind of happy about that?
Let us end with Rachel’s best moment, “I’m not here to be played. I’m not here to be made a joke of which is what I feel like you’re doing right now with me, so I’m really going to need you to get the fuck out.”
See y’all next week!
*Feature image source: Twitter.com/TheBachelorette