The Bachelorette Recap: Stop Trying to Make Chase Happen

Is it the worst sign for this season of The Bachelorette that I hardly missed it last week? Or that I’m so desperate for some Bachelor in Paradise ridiculousness that I would like to wrap this up faster please?

Oh, JoJo. You are such a treat, but you alone cannot make this season interesting anymore.

I was so bored this episode. It legitimately took me twice as long as normal to watch it because I had to keep rewinding to watch what I missed while being super distracted by much more interesting things.

Like, stop trying to make us care about Alex, James and Chase’s relationships with JoJo- what a joke.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 7

10. Robby, your grandma is not going to care that you ran around in your underwear. You also have been seen in your swimsuit! Hi, it’s the same thing. Your dare was not that exciting or scandalous.

9. Mid-make out between JoJo and Jordan, he says, “I really want you to come meet my mama.” Oh boy, not something I would want to hear mid-make out, you know?

8. When they have to send Chris Harrison in to validate your feelings, things really aren’t going well with the lead. “We promise JoJo still likes you! Don’t bail! We forced her to take you on a one-on-one date!”

7. What in the hell is happening in this ridiculous episode where the group date consists of all three guys cuddling with JoJo on the same tiny bed watching the Brazilian Bachelor? WHAT? Officially jumped the shark.

6. This nonsense fight over who is a frontrunner and who isn’t was ridiculous. They need to stop talking about it like they aren’t actually humans involved in “relationships.” We can talk like that, but dude! You’re in this thing! Stop talking frontrunner talk.

5. Oh boy, poor misguided James. He tries again to win points with JoJo by taking down someone JoJo clearly cares about more than him. This time, he goes hard in saying that Robby has a wandering eye. Honestly, who cares if he looks at other women? Stupid attempt, James.

4. Alex has absolutely no emotional sensitivity. JoJo’s face was screaming “I DON’T LIKE YOU” and he chose that time to tell her he loved her. Poor JoJo then felt really bad for hurting him and that is very sweet, but Alex should have known better than to tell her he was in love after their stilted day.

3. Ugh, both Jordan and Chase, macho monsters, say that Alex needs to stop bitching about not getting a one-on-one. Chase, honey. All you did was “bitch” when you got the two-on-one last week. AND THEN YOU COMPLAINED LATER IN THIS SAME EPISODE. Yawn. Expressing your feelings about your faux relationship isn’t bitching! But y’all are the worst.

2. Luke’s for sure a man.” *Whimper* Look, I was also feeling Luke on that horse, I’m not going to lie. I mean, swoon and a half. But I like him more because he’s sensitive and honest and vulnerable and cares about JoJo’s feelings—that’s what makes him a man to me, not him shooting a gun.

1. Lord, never have so many white boys failed so epically at free styling than on this episode. Oh Alex, bless his heart. He’s horrible at it and then his friends (the friends that made him think he was a dragon slayer when he got rid of Chad) sit around and come up with a rap making fun of his height. Like, just stop. Stop talking about his height. Height or lack of height does not make you a man, stop acting like it does.

And now, my random thoughts and predictions:

  • Didn’t they not say the country they were in like at all this week? Usually they say it 100 times, but I missed it at the beginning and legitimately had no idea until they were watching the Brazilian Bachelor. Very bizarre.
  • I was DIGGING all the animals this episode – so many dogs and cats! Yes please.
  • Jordan’s chat about his family with JoJo actually felt really genuine to me? I kind of like him again? Is the scam working?
  • I’m INTO Luke. INTO HIM.

Alright, you live to see another week, emotionless Chase. And then maybe things might get interesting again? Not holding my breath.



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