The Bachelorette Recap: This Is Unreal

Oh, another episode of The Bachelorette dedicated completely to a villain! How groundbreaking.

Basically none of the men looked good in this episode unless they were mostly silent and completely avoided Chad. Like, we have already established how many issues Chad has, but boy does he bring out the worst in the other guys too! But I’m not blaming Chad, the boys are in control of their own actions. And these dudes kept poking him as much as possible.

Evan looked literally just as bad as Chad. Chauvinism doesn’t just come in the form of aggressive anger! It also comes when you think you’re better at making a woman’s decisions for her. Ugh, these guys blow.

You know who did look good this episode? JoJo! Girl, JoJo was a champ over and over this episode. And you know what? I feel like I don’t have anything else to say about Chad, I hate how the men react to him, and I’m just over it.

So I’m flipping this around this week. You don’t need me to tell you how awful this hyper-masculine chest-beating nonsense is.

Instead, let’s dedicate some time to give props to mature behavior- a rare occurrence on this show.

Here are the 10 Best Things That JoJo Did on The Bachelorette: Episode 3

10. JoJo put her hair in a ponytail for her “yoga” date! OMG! Okay, I know a lot of you are like, what is the big deal, but let me just say, it drives me crazy when women (and men with long hair!) try to keep their hair down and perfect while working out. Is this sexist of me? Probably, but anyways, I respect a real commitment to sweating.

9. Lol, I loved when the “yoga” lady asked how long JoJo and Chase have been intimate and JoJo immediately clammed up. She broadcasts her feelings all over her face like a normal person and I love it. “Uh, never.”

8. JoJo’s face when James F. talked about his testicles was every woman’s face when a man talks about his testicles.

7. JoJo tells Chad he needs to wait a bit before interrupting Nick’s time. What! I’ve literally never seen a lead do that! JoJo is in charge and don’t you forget it.

6. I still don’t really understand why JoJo thinks Chad is a suitable match for her when she keeps seeing him act like a monster, but at least she keeps calling him out on it! She asks him about the shirt ripping, pushes him to not be a bully, and straight tells him she doesn’t like how she sees two different sides of him. At least she’s not blind in all of this nonsense.

5. I know the leads don’t actually plan these dates, but this sex comedy show date was brilliant. I had secondhand embarrassment the whole time, but hey, that’s great TV! And JoJo was way more upfront about her sexuality than I ever expected. She thinks sex is important in a relationship! (It is!) She thinks it’s important to talk about it! (It is!) Women have sex too, you guys!

4. OOH, JoJo dodging Chad’s onstage kiss was true perfection. That was the coldest burn of all time.

3. When Evan gives JoJo an ultimatum, she is not having it. Ultimatums do not make you strong, dude. JoJo basically says, “You can stay, but I’m not giving into your nonsense.” I mean, I wish she had sent him home, but this was still a pretty good reaction.

2. Okay this isn’t JoJo, but we have to talk about Daniel’s chat with Chad. “So let’s pretend you’re Hitler. Or let’s say you’re Donald Trump or something and I hang out with you. I’m going to look bad too. So let’s take it down a notch. Let’s be Mussolini. Or Bush!” Is this the best metaphor to ever be used? I mean 100% it’s the best metaphor this show has ever seen. I literally rewound to watch it again, are you kidding me.

1. “You are being disrespectful and I don’t like this side of you.” GO GIRL. You tell him, JoJo.

And now, my random thoughts and predictions:

I feel like JoJo hasn’t been treated that well in relationships because she falls hard for songs and poems. She is all about James Taylor! I mean, I am too- did you watch him try to save that moth in the final clip?
Jordan is still looking good- JoJo was practically all over him any chance she got. But he needs to cool it on the Chad poking.
Why didn’t we get to hear Wells’ hilarious threesome story?!?
Evan. Just no. He’s annoying me almost more than Chad? That’s saying a lot.
MORE CHRISTIAN! MORE ALI!