The Bachelor Recap: Unreal

Well, we’ve reached hometown dates! It’s the last non-boring episode of the season! (Although Ben’s stupid big mouth makes it seem like perhaps that boring curse will not be true here).  All the families this season were completely lovely, even when making everyone uncomfortable (I see you drinking that champagne straight from the bottle, JoJo’s mom).

Ben was so Ben like and that was really a shame, but I gotta say- Ben on the beach was the most attracted to him I’ve been so… good job, wardrobe department.

The main theme of this recap, as you will soon notice, is my frustration at Ben’s inability to articulate his feelings in any actual way for any of the women. Asked by each set of parents why Ben likes their daughter, he said some nonsense about their immediate connection and how they have fun and literally he could have said the same thing to each parent. Oh that’s right, he did.

There is nothing better in a relationship than being and feeling known and loved for all of the good and bad traits that define you.  From what I can tell, Ben doesn’t know anything about any of these women. He knows how he feels, he knows about their connection (yawn), and he knows about what he will be as a husband.

But how little he says about the women he likes and why he likes them makes this all seems like some vapid fairy tale show where the actual humans are all interchangeable.

Oh. Wait.

Anyways, let’s do this.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 8

10. Ben making some flight attendant jokes while he fed Lauren grilled cheese made me gag a little. I guess we know what their role playing is going to look like.

9. Oh lord, those poor factory workers having to clap as Ben carries Caila through their workspace. You know they’re annoyed.

8. JoJo says to Ben, after, like, barely crying, that she’s sorry he has to see her like this. GIRL, my fiancé sees me cry on an almost daily basis and you beter expect that whoever you marry is going to see that a lot. You’re not some perfect doll for him to love that never gets sad.

7. Ugh, I did not enjoy the way Ben dumped Amanda. Don’t get defensive and talk about how you saw your feelings get stronger with other women. You just dumped her! Say sorry. JUST SAY SORRY.

6. “I think Caila challenges me because she’s real.” What? What in the hell does that mean, dude?

5. I really, really enjoyed Caila’s dad until he kept saying that they were praying for Ben to choose Caila. Like sorry, but I can’t possibly believe that God influences rose ceremony choices. It’s like when people thank God for choosing them to win the football game. Like, nah.

4. I totally respect JoJo’s brothers’ hesitations and I do think they’re totally right about Ben’s feelings, but what really did they think was going to happen when they started attacking him like that? That was very uncomfortable and now JoJo is PISSED at them, you just know it.

3. So Nick Viall was on “Here to Make Friends” last week (y’all gotta listen to that, btws), and was saying that he thinks everything Caila says is fake and manufactured. I couldn’t get that out of my head this week! Especially when after saying last week that she didn’t have roots and thinking that it negatively affected the way Ben viewed her, she then switched to, “HERE IS MY HOME JUST LIKE WARSAW.” Like, I moved in 8th grade, I get a high school town being your home. But it just seemed so contrived that I then started to doubt her everywhere and girl didn’t make it easy to get back on her side.

2. Mollie, Lauren’s sister, demands that Ben tell her why he likes Lauren and he says he can’t explain why and starts crying, so she falls for it and cries too. NO. NO. Cry after you articulate why you like her, don’t scam your way out of answering the question.

1. You stop it right now, when JoJo’s mom asked Ben what he likes about JoJo, he literally said, “I’m more myself around her than anyone else I’ve ever met.” Stop. Stop it. He answered a question ABOUT JOJO by talking ABOUT HIMSELF. How despicable.

I really did feel like the parents were pure gold this episode. You are all gems! And Ben, good job doing the hard thing and letting Amanda go even though your ego wanted to let her stay. That was very good of you.

My random thoughts and predictions on the ladies:

  • Lauren’s dad’s nickname for her is Lolo and I love that so much.
  • This making the house date was actually the most legit and looked so fun.
  • “I don’t want you to think I’m getting swept up in my emotions,” Caila says as she sobs to her dad. Not convincing, honey! You seem very swept up in your emotions!!
  • These girls need to cut themselves some slack- no one every successfully says I love you at the goodbye van and that’s fine. You’re at the goodbye van. Just wait until fantasy suites like everyone else.
  • How much did I love JoJo’s brothers showing no interest in meeting Ben and only freaking out about seeing her?
  • Lauren’s our winner! I think at least.

See y’all next week!



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