The Bachelor Recap: Bland Ben

If you were forgetting how wholesome our Bachelor was, don’t you worry! This episode took us back to his AMAZING HOMETOWN WARSAW, INDIANA just to remind us.

How hard are these producers swerving back from Kaitlyn’s persona with this season? “We’re so sorry we had a funny, interesting, Canadian with a healthy approach to sex as the Bachelorette. We’ll make it up to you with this vanilla tall man who is so boring and popular, he was even the quarterback of his high school football team!” Yawn. You’re making me miss Hamilton on the Grammy’s for this nonsense? How rude.

And, side note, my predications this season have been SPOT ON. Mostly, I just tell them to my fiancé as the episode starts, but still, you guys.

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 7

10. Ben, honey, stop bragging about being a quarterback in high school and kissing a girl at a movie theater and gain some interesting anecdotes from, I don’t know, your ADULT LIFE.

9. Okay, who forced Ben to take Emily on that one-on-one with his parents because that was just straight cold. Girlfriend was NOT ready for that situation. And his poor parents must have freaked out after!

8. Ben brings up to his parents that Becca got standoffish and he didn’t like that. Really? Do they all have to be chipper and available every second of the day? Gross.

7. What on earth is going on with Ben’s hair lately? Did y’all watch the #Janner wedding on Sunday? Ben was looking SO rough. Then this week, his hair was very, like… Munster like? Not cute, man. Not cute.

6. Does Ben every stop thinking about his own feelings? He is not a single second at all worried about how the girls are feeling on this difficult week and just worried that whoever he picks won’t say yes when he proposes. Like, dude. All these women are saying yes. Calm the hell down.

5. Seriously Ben breaks up with Emily where all the other women can see them? That’s RUDE.

4. I’m pretty upset that Ben gave Amanda a rose. I really don’t think his feelings are that strong and he just likes the idea of being the kind of guy who is willing to marry into two kids. But now he’s bringing them into this! And that isn’t cool.

3. Is Ben the dumbest human in the world? Or does he just lack the ability to understand that other people might have feelings? He gets so frustrated with any of the women saying that they’re scared. He can’t possibly understand why they might be scared if they like him!! Seriously? Seriously?? His greatest fear is being unlovable yet he lacks the ability to understand why a contestant on The Bachelor might be scared to get their heart broken? Is he secretly a serial killer? (Isn’t not showing empathy a sign of that? I don’t know, it’s not like I have a psychology degree or something (I do have one, actually)).

2. No ma’am, they did not do an extended McDonald’s ad in my reality love show. How HORRIFYING. I feel offended as a viewer. You just went and took my trust in you and THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW, TV show. Also, it’s very obvious that this is fake because no one would get an egg mcmuffin at nighttime, while sober, when they could get a double cheeseburger, are you crazy.

1. STOP THIS MRS. HIGGINS NONSENSE ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME.  First of all, um, he hasn’t chosen JoJo yet. Don’t give her the name Mrs. Higgins while he’s still dating five other women. Second of all, isn’t it 2016? Can’t we at least give women a chance to keep their maiden name? I respect and understand women changing their name and keeping their name, but I hate when people assume a woman will automatically give their name up. I would have actually refused to put on the jersey.

My random thoughts and predictions on the ladies:

  • So all the remaining girls like each other which means that they sit around and obsess over their feelings together which is just a RECIPE FOR DISASTER. No wonder everyone was so sad.
  • My JoJo as Bachelorette dream is fading away because I for sure think it’s Lauren and JoJo at the end.
  • Sponsored content is the only way to go anymore, you guys! But that does not mean I’m okay with this McDonald’s situation.
  • Poor Becca! But also, I don’t think you were really that blindsided, because you were already freaking out.
  • Please, Lauren B. PLEASE be our winner.

See y’all next week!



*Feature image source: ABC. Originally seen on

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