The Bachelor Recap: Showgirls

This week I have finally started to buy into the whole Ben thing. He was pretty great this week, you guys!

First, I’m pretty sure he was TRASHED by the end of the group date and I’m down for that. He was much more fun. Second, he finally got rid of one of the twins because HELLO, it’s weird to date TWO SISTERS AT ONCE. Third, he is so good with Jubilee every time he talks to her that I finally think he might actually have some interesting sides to his personality too? Fourth, he was so cute marrying people! Finally, he sent Amber home! I’m really hopeful it was because she was such a mean girl last week.

Ben, boy, good job. Mostly…

Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 4

10. Lol, the women FREAK OUT over the lamest sign. The producers wrote something on a flashing sign and now they’re all falling in love with him for it? Girls! Step up your standards.

9. This show makes all the woman feel like they have to have some tragic story to be scared to tell Ben and that was on display so much when JoJo was scared to tell her past, which was essentially that she’d been hurt before? That’s like saying, “Hi, I’m also a human.” For real, what was she scared of? I’m HOPING it’s that she’s actually a bisexual and that her secret past relationship was with a woman. She never said male pronouns! Okay, that’s a stretch, I know.

8. “None of us have any talent!” everyone whines. I know we like to sit around and talk about how crazy some of these women act, but I really hate when it’s just harshly making fun of women- that’s not my jam. How many people would have something ready to perform on stage? Not many! That doesn’t mean  you don’t have talent.

7. Olivia’s embarrassed “panic attack” was pure Olivia to her very core. She wanted to be sexy, she failed, she got pissed. Let’s not pretend you don’t like being sexy, or you don’t like being the center of attention. We all know that’s just nonsense. I think when you said to Ben, “I was totally not myself this week,” what you really meant to say was, “I was finally myself this week.”

6. I can’t believe we’re back here talking about Becca’s virginity again. We’ve already been over this so much! And I just super hate when we’re talking about commitments to God on a reality television show where one man dates 28 woman. I get that America basically will hate all Bachelors and Bachelorettes who are not christian and wholesome, but is there not a middle ground??

5. Olivia’s delusions about her relationship with Ben reached a new, rather frightening level this week. She actually said all of these things: “Ben is my man- I’ve never felt more sure,” “Ben is my piece,” she wants to spend “every waking minute with Ben,” AND “I love Ben.” Wait, hold up. You LOVE him already? Yikes.

4. Stop it right now. Psycho Olivia tells JoJo that Ben reciprocated her feelings of falling in love with him. Girl, BYE.

3. Did you catch it? Did you catch the “marriage material” phrase thrown around by Olivia? I hate this marriage material, wife material nonsense MORE THAN ANYTHING. There is no MARRIAGE MATERIAL EVERYONE IS LOVABLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CHRISTIAN BULLIES?!?!

2. Ben literally asked someone the question, “why do you think you’re single?” Like, stop. This is at least the second time you’ve asked this. Someone doesn’t have less value because they’re single! Someone isn’t less lovable because they’re single! Also, everyone on this damn show is 22 years old! I hope they would still be single! Good god, stop. You can be a valuable human and be single without having some extreme reason.

1. WHY DID HE GIVE OLIVIA A ROSE???? I literally yelled, “SHIT, MAN” at full volume when this happened. UGHLAKDJFLAKFALKDFJADKJF

Well, I feel like we’re about to get serious in Bachelor land! We’ve got one more mean girl to get rid of and then we’re going to be hearing a lot of talks about opening up for the next 12 hours- you better get ready.

My random thoughts and predictions on the ladies:

  • Oooh, boy, Ben is SO into Lauren B. So, so, so into her.
  • I’m feeling really hopeful that they just give Jubilee the villain edit last week because she was great again. Line of the night was FOR SURE, regarding Becca’s virginity, “If she hasn’t lost it in 26 years, I doubt she’s going to lose it in six hours. Just saying.”
  • I was pretty annoyed/thought Ben was saying that he was worried he wouldn’t have chemistry with Caila because she was sweet (hi, sweet girls have sex too!). But my fiancé said I was misconstruing his sentiment so whatever. Still getting that in this recap somewhere!
  • Do they have access to a manicurist on The Bachelor? Because these girls’ nails look perfect all the time. #Jealous
  • Amber stopping her walk away from the rose ceremony to take her heels off in front of everyone was….tragic. But I don’t even care? Bye, Amber. Let’s try normal life dating now.

See y’all next week!



*Feature image source: Ronda Churchill/ABC. Originally seen on

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