Here are the 12 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 3

12. Caila is just now realizing that this is a different kind of dating and that she might get heartbroken. Okay, hi, thanks for joining us here on this reality television show.

11. Ben says that Lauren B. is still a mystery to him. Um, is that a problem? You haven’t even been on one date with the girl- do you need to have figured her out entirely already? All this “dig deeper” nonsense is starting to make sense because Ben wants to figure everyone out within an hour. Yawn.

10. As the first one-on-one date card arrives, Jubilee says that if she got the date, it would be the happiest moment of her life. And then later says that getting the date was one of the better moments of her life. Girl, no. Like, chill out- he is not that spectacular.

9. Olivia is only 23, you guys! It all makes so much sense now. Of course Olivia acts like a possessive child. But yeah, she’s awful. I’ve literally never heard her say WHY she likes Ben only that she is his wife. They really shouldn’t let anyone younger than 25 on this show.

8. Poor sad Amber says, “If it has to take two times on The Bachelor to find someone who loves me, then I guess that’s what it takes.” This is straight the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. First of all, do you not want to find someone YOU love? And like, no. You can just exist as a human in the world and you will find someone. (Amendment from later in the night- maybe you can’t find someone in the real world because you’re really mean. Yeah. I went there).

7. Ben tells the women he needs some comfort, so Olivia immediately steals him to talk about the body parts that make her feel sad and her blog-worthy cankles. She just tries to stay strong, you know? Insert eye roll emoji here.

6. The girls being straight bitchy about Olivia’s looks is just gross. Like, Olivia is self-absorbed and pretty vapid and aggressive and there are PLENTY of personality traits of hers to be mean about. Stay away from her toes.

5. Amber, stop. Just stop. This is your third time on this franchise. You should know way better than to obsess over other women. And stop yapping about what is fair or not. This is a dating reality show!

4. Olivia guessing what the girls were being mean about was pretty sad, but she lost me when she said, “Perfection is so LAME.” She has practiced that line because you KNOW she’s aiming hard for perfection.

3. Lauren H. says she knows Ben wants to have a wife that can be friends with all the other soccer moms. Uh, excuse me, I’ll just be gagging over her for the foreseeable future (but that ain’t no shade against soccer moms!).

2. Look, Jubilee is not faultless and managed to say plenty of annoying things, but this massage she gives Ben is harmless. The women are just being straight MEAN. They can’t relate to her so she must not be valuable and is thus fair game for them to attack. I can’t.

1. Amber and some collection of other women trying to attack Jubilee was absurd. What on earth does Jubilee owe you? Um, absolutely nothing. I’m SO glad it backfired hard on them.