Well, what an annoying two hours of television. Really.
First of all, you want to know when we finally got to LAST WEEK’S ROSE CREMONY? Um, 74 MINUTES in. Nope, nope, nope. Second, all the guys were a bunch of crazy, whiny babies and I had to hear the same whine over and over and over and over. Yeah, I got the drama the first time. Third, I’m hardcore team Kaitlyn, but I was pretty over the way she handled a lot of conversations this week. MAN. Apparently everyone needs to take a nap. Fourth, I was soooooo bored all the way until Chris announced they were going to switch up the hometown dates with the fantasy suite dates and we learned we finally get to drop three more of these jokers.
Everybody was on my last nerve this week. Literally, everybody. So let’s get to it.
Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelorette: Episode 8
10. I already mentioned this but that rose ceremony was just too late. Not because I was on the edge of my seat or anything, but that much time spent on one week of dates (and really just two days) is just way too much time. I get y’all wanting to stretch the “drama” out and all, ABC producers, but if you stretch it that far, it’s no longer dramatic and just plain played out.
9. Joe, you are not falling in love with Kaitlyn. But nice try!
8. BEN Z DON’T LEAVE ME!!! Okay, it’s been obvious for awhile that it wasn’t going to be Ben Z, but I so hope he didn’t go home too soon to be considered for the Bachelor. Kind of boring + super sweet + hunky as hell = the perfect Bachelor. Don’t crush our dreams, ABC!
7. Wait, wait, wait a second. You mean to tell me that CUPCAKE GOT A ROSE?? Wait, the Cupcake that you have zero chemistry with? The Cupcake that um…reads a little, um, okay I’ll get in trouble if I keep talking. It just seems like we’re messing around now.
6. Kaitlyn broke my heart a little during her dumping of Cupcake. Oh, honey, nothing is wrong with you for not wanting to be with someone you have zero chemistry with. You don’t find someone with checkboxes and lists of qualities you want! It doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting more.
5. Oof that conversation between Kaitlyn and Nick about not telling anyone their sexy time secrets. I get why she’s nervous and all, but it’s not a good sign that you don’t trust him not to tell everyone that y’all had sex (it’s well founded, but not a good sign). And of course he would get upset! And then she’d get defensive! What a rough situation.
4. Full disclosure, I definitely have a blind spot for Shawn. He was definitely being an ass and a half last night, but it just doesn’t bother me as much as it would with any other guy. Maybe because I do really think they’d be good together? Whatever it is, he was a pain and if it was another guy, I would be rolling my eyes hard.
3. YAWN Cupcake thinks that Kaitlyn isn’t ready for a lifetime of happiness because she didn’t pick him. You tell yourself whatever you need to buddy, but we all know that’s not true. And also, I didn’t see a single tear, just a bunch of fake sobs. Does not appeal to the ladies!
2. I get why Kaitlyn is annoyed at Shawn for freaking out so hard. I mean, clearly, I also think he needs to chill. But, I also don’t think it’s fair that she’s being so hard on him for getting jealous when she’s not even telling him the whole story.
1. I just. I don’t really know how to explain this one except that I feel like the guys are SO entitled this season. If women on The Bachelor acted like this, they’d be gone in a heartbeat and we’d all be talking about how nutso they are on Twitter. (Okay, I wouldn’t — I’d be the girl that unfollowed you after I saw you doing it.) The guys are demanding SO MUCH of Kaitlyn. She is having to explain herself SO MUCH and defend herself SO MUCH and apologize SO MUCH and feel guilty SO MUCH and talk about her mistakes SO MUCH. Just feels like such a hard double standard here. You’re in charge here, Kaitlyn! You do you!
Other random thoughts
- Anyone else notice that when they got to the 2:1 date, they had to sip straight whiskey? Hi, my nightmare. Also, I’d be on the floor about two hours in with how much whiskey they drank on this date.
- Well, I mean, of course JJ cheated on his wife. This doesn’t surprise me at all. I do give him props for owning up to it, but OF COURSE.
- Ugh fine, Nick seemed genuinely sincere (how many Bachelorette buzzwords can I fit in one phrase??) this week. I may not love the guy, but I GUESS, maybe, if he was Kaitlyn’s person, I’d MAYBE get over it.
- I’LL MISS YOU, TANNER! See you on Bachelor in Paradise. (I just made this up — I have no idea if it’s happening.)
- Your hair looks real cute on this Cupcake date, girlfriend.
- That producer during Chris’s “crying” fit was actually worried he was going to jump of the cliff for real.
Also, I was really proud of this tweet that no one cared about so you’re all forced to read it now.
See you next week, where we watch the exact same episode over again and all cry into our wine glasses that this is where we’ve ended up. Catch me tweeting along @Alicemcalex!
*Feature image source: ABC . Originally seen on TvLine.com