THANK. GOD. A whole season of Kaitlyn being a gem lies ahead of us! Did anyone else tear up when she called her mom? Just me?
Let’s dive right in. With just an hour, the men didn’t have too much time to be awful. Here are the 5 worst things that happened on last night’s Bachelorette.
The 5 Worst Things That Happened This Week on The Bachelorette: Episode 2
5. Chris Harrison, ever the drama teaser, takes 14 minutes to tell Britt that it’s not her after starting out with, “I’ll get right to it.” Never change, Chris, never change.
4. As we start the episode, Chris tells us, “And now, the men have decided.” #overit #rollingmyeyessohard
3. Jonathan, who remains the creepiest in my eyes (ugh I hate that he’s attractive), doesn’t want to go home because he worries it would be a blow to his ego. Yeah, you’re totally here, as the pros say, “for the right reasons.” Let’s get you all the screen time you so desperately desire!
2. NICK IS BACK?!? Okay, no. I am not cool with this! First, I just generally hate when they bring back old contestants. It’s NEVER someone anyone likes. And like, if you wanted to hang out with her, why didn’t you do something at one of the 100 Bachelor parties before she was actually the Bachelorette? Cheap move. But! But! Nick is also just THE WORST. Such a weenie all of Andi’s season and then was hi, the biggest dick ever, at After the Final Rose. Like sure, Andi shouldn’t feel ashamed of having sex with you, but she should also not have you throwing it in her face on national television as if to say, “You either must actually love me or you’re a whore.” No thank you, please go away.
1. Oh no, this poor sex scandal. Kaitlyn, I am already sorry and already on your side! You will forever be a queen in my eyes for saying you won’t be made to feel bad: “This is a marriage and part of that is intimacy.” But either way, it looks like everyone is awful about it.
Well, I’m excited about this.
And here are my closing thoughts and predictions from last night:
- Tanner is either a sleeper cell (we won’t know they like each other forever and then BAM) or he’s our fun peanut gallery. “It’s our duty to spread the news,” he says, after seeing Cupcake Boy make out with Kaitlyn. You are a little star, Tanner!
- Shawn B! You’re burning too bright! This can’t last forever. But when you talk, I get a little distracted, so I’m down.
- I’m, like, a little in love with Ben Z. He’s always thinking about how Kaitlyn’s feeling and stop, I’m swooning over here. Is it too early to pick you in my heart for the next Bachelor? Plus this:
- My guess for sexy time scandal is Shawn B or Nick.
- What do you think they said to Britt before Brady came? Like, “please get in hair and makeup and let’s make you cry again so this is real romantic?” Oh boy. But good for them–everyone deserves love!
See you next week. Catch me every Monday night tweeting along @Alicemcalex!
* Feature image source: The Bachelorette on ABC, via screen shot from this episode.
