I’m Not THAT Enlightened

Sometimes I think I’m pretty enlightened, as people go. By this I mean that I try pretty hard most days to be a considerate, compassionate contributor to the world. I respect the universe, and I think about the kind of energy I put out there all the time. But I also allow myself some times to think the bitchiest things — recognizing my feelings are real and thus valid, thinking about why they aren’t the best things to think, and then letting go of them and moving on.

Sometimes I’m so far into my head about how something is interpreted or who it affects that it’s actually insane. Like yesterday on the train, this girl was trying to do the whole wrap her whole arm around the pole but there were literally six people trying to hold onto the pole and she was taking all of it and I said, “you can’t just take the whole pole” out loud and she heard but I meant it to be under my breath and then she moved and was mad at me and I thought about how bitchy that was of me ALL DAY LONG.

So all in all, I feel relatively enlightened most days and like I’m kind of trending towards enlightenment more than I’m trending towards ignorance (guys, come to just one yoga class if you’re lost right now). But the other day, my yoga teacher had us think about someone who is always criticizing us and basically is a mega-asshole. She wanted us to think about when we might be doing that to someone else, to realize their actions aren’t about us and to let go of our “UGH YOU ARE THE WORST” feelings. Okay, fine, I’m okay thinking about this for a second.

But then! She asked us to dedicate our practice to the person we thought of. (I dedicate each of my practices to someone who needs love or who I want to send love to — usually it’s Warren, my mom, someone feeling sad/hurt, or sometimes myself.) And I immediately actually out loud scoffed as I thought to myself, “I’m not THAT enlightened!”

This fucker definitely isn’t getting my practice dedication.

So in honor of the little evil sides in all of us, here’s a list of things I’m still not enlightened enough to do:

  • Stop taking screenshots of people’s annoying instagram posts to text them to my friends with the “ugh” emoji.
  • Practice a little yoga every day. Guys! That’s so much yoga.
  • Stop complaining a lot about a city most people LOVE to people who live in that city (hi, New York).
  • Become a vegetarian or vegan. I love me some MEAT and I think I could actually not survive without cheese and I’m not kidding.
  • Stop thinking, “ugh stop lecturing me about being vegan,” when people lecture me about being vegan.
  • Resist the urge to get in a fight with an Uber driver about what we should be able to expect from our drivers.
  • Stop hating contestants on The Bachelorette purely because their hair is AWFUL (or hating them more because of it).
  • Let go of friendships that have fallen apart even though I know it’d be better for both of us.
  • Stop putting any company that disappointed me on blast on Twitter.
  • Not yelling at Madewell that one time for not having enough dresses with fitted waists. Hey! They made more and I take credit! Okay, I don’t actually take credit, I’m not insane.
  • Dedicate my yoga time and energy to someone who is awful to me.
  • Stop drawing conclusions about sad news stories without reading everything because it makes me too sad to read everything AND not saying enough on sad things on Twitter/Facebook because I’m too scared to say the wrong thing.
  • Let go of my judgments about certain people based on how they were when we were friends a few years ago.
  • Prioritize awkward parties/social get-togethers over hanging out with my dog who I missed all day.
  • Worry that much about my carbon footprint right now … but guys! I don’t drive or have a car! And I reuse water bottles! And I recycle (most of the time)! That’s good enough, no?
  • Stop spending a kind of horrifying amount of money on my hair because I love my hair more than most things and maybe that’s not very enlightened.

These are some of my horrible things. Meh, I try.

*Feature image source: AMC. Originally seen on tomeandlorenzo.com


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