So you might have heard that here at the McAlexander-Flood household, we make the best margaritas in the land. They come with the glasses salted and chilled and the drink tasting like pure sweet and sour heaven.
We didn’t always have the best bar in Hoboken right in our kitchen though. In fact, I put in a lot of hard work to get my boyfriend to make me the best margaritas ever.
Since I’ve done all the hard work first, let me show you how you too can get your boyfriend to make the best margaritas in the world by following these simple steps.
Step 1: Try a bunch of gross cool girl drinks at bars throughout your early drinking years.
Step 2: Hate every second of it.
Step 3: Give up the fight and drink the girliest drinks imaginable. No thank you, I hate you whiskey.
Step 4: Decide that the margarita really is the perfect drink for you.
Step 5: Keep making your non-Texan boyfriend go out to Mexican restaurants at least once a week so you can get a margarita.
Step 6: Fight with your pretty boyfriend about how often you eat Mexican food.
Step 7: Start going to Mexican restaurants less often.
Step 8: Start ordering margaritas at every restaurant, even a place that’s a famous Jewish deli.
Step 9: Complain about how bad the margaritas are at Jewish delis.
Step 10: Make your boyfriend feel bad for you for having to drink bad Jewish deli margaritas by using your prettiest sad face.
Step 11: Trick him into going back to Mexican restaurants all the time.
Step 12: Give him your sad eyes so he’ll share a pitcher of margaritas with you at the BYOB Mexican place.
Step 13: Feel bad that the pitcher of margaritas at the BYOB place is not very good because the mix is too sweet.
Step 14: Give a 12-minute speech at the dinner table about how hard it is to find a good margarita.
Step 15: Come home one day to find your boyfriend using a hand juicer on limes so he can make you homemade margaritas.
Step 16: Have the first batch and LOVE them and ask for more and more and more.
Step 17: Brag to your parents and become really obsessed with them so he feels like he really has to keep making them.
Step 18: Tell your parents he’ll make them for everyone at Easter so he has to buy an electric juicer so he doesn’t break his hand using a hand juicer.
Step 19: Agree to buy less expensive drinks out so you can come home and drink really yummy margaritas for cheap.
Step 20: Continue to look really pretty so he still likes you.
Step 21: Let him teach you how to make them but then break the bottle of the expensive alcohol by walking into a counter and getting glass everywhere.
Step 22: Now that he doesn’t trust you, watch as he makes them for you all the time.
Step 23: Have at least two a session because one is never enough.
Step 24: Think to yourself about how lucky you are to have found such a sweet perfect weirdo who loves you so much and only wants you to be happy.
If you want to print this out and leave a hint on your boyfriend’s bedside table, here’s the recipe for him:
- 2 parts tequila [If you’re fancy, use 100% blue agave silver tequila, but we like inexpensive Jose Cuervo Gold just fine.]
- 1 part orange liquor [You fancy folks will insist on Cointreau, but we like Solerno Blood Orange Liqueur because it tastes just as good at half the price.]
- 2 parts fresh lime juice [No compromising here, folks–it’s gotta be freshly squeezed, 100% lime juice.]
- 1 pinch salt
- Pour ingredients on top of lots of ice, shake, strain, and serve