I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate the Women Tell All episode.
It’s like, “Hey, let’s replay all of the most sexist, cringe-worthy, manufactured moments, condescend to a bunch of grown women about the ‘mistakes’ they made not finding love on a reality show, create as many fights as possible so we can all laugh at how crazy women are, and force our boring Bachelor to pretend to care about a bunch of inconsequential relationships!”
This episode was literally everything I hate about the show. Except for the bloopers and the preview for next week, both of which were truly quality television.
Let’s do this.
Here are the 10 Worst Things That Happened on The Bachelor: Episode 10
10. Okay this chicken nonsense is out of control. Tiara had maybe 30 seconds of screen time with Ben and not only is she back here for this episode, but she’s brought a chicken? Girl, we get you want to make some dollars, but how can you let yourself say yes to this?
9. That opening segment with Ben and Chris going to a bunch of (almost) all white viewing parties was straight propaganda. Like, dudes. We already watch the show – stop trying to sell us on it. You already won our addiction. I regret it everyday. Don’t make it worse.
8. Literally, please get Amber off of my television screen. Stop giving women like this screen time, America.
7. STOP SAYING BEN IS THE MOST POPULAR BACHELOR IN HISTORY THAT IS SUCH A LIE.
6. Lol, Leah says that she feels her conversation with Ben shouldn’t have been discussed publicly. You know the conversation- it was the one where she lied to Ben to try to help herself and hurt someone else. Um, hello? Do you realize that you’re on a television show and that everything you say will be discussed publicly? Just be an adult and say you were wrong.
5. Thanks, Chris Harrison, but please stop talking down to Lace about how she needs to act and then letting a stalker on stage to take a picture with her. Lace, girl. Run away from this show, please. But, sure. We’ll love having you on Paradise.
4. Honestly, I don’t feel smart enough to talk about the way Jami, Amber, and Jubilee were pitted against each other and what it says about how subtly and overtly racist this show is, but I know that the whole thing just sucked. Everyone acted like grown ups and that was lovely, but it was just a big huge reminder that this show needs ten times more diversity.
3. Chris Harrison actually asked Ben to identify which twin was which and then said he himself had no idea. America, look at this sexual fantasy we brought you! They aren’t real women with individual identities, we promise!
2. I’m pretty conflicted about the Olivia situation. On the one hand, I think the girls are wrong to demand she should have pulled back with Ben. Why should she pull back? The whole point of this show is to spend time with Ben to win his affection- why would she not make that her priority? On the other hand, I feel like what she said about her actions captures so much of what is wrong with our society: essentially that she wasn’t actively trying to sabotage anyone, she just worried about herself. People! We have to do more than that. We need to think about how our actions affect others, whether we mean for them to or not. This was a tough one.
1. Jubilee, HONEY. You are lovable and you have worth for so many reasons – the most basic one being that you are a human. You do not need some average, bland man to find you interesting to give you worth. Thank you, Chris Harrison, for being as condescending as possible while enforcing the misguided feeling that you need a man to think you’re worthy to actually be worthy. A man who thinks you’re “too complicated” to love is not a man.
In other related opinions, I am pre-upset that Caila is almost certainly our next Bachelorette. They always have the Bachelorette sit quietly during all the confrontations during the Women Tell all and they were playing her up so hard. SO BORING. Literally, if/when she becomes the Bachelorette, it’s going to be the most boring season of all time. EVEN MORE BORING THAN DESIREE. (Sorry, Des, I love you, but let’s be honest.) I’m very upset.
Give us Jubilee as the Bachelorette or give us death. IT’S THAT SERIOUS. (It’s not that serious.)
My other random thoughts and predictions:
- My legit favorite moment was Jubilee calling Ben out for giving other women a chance to be uncommunicative and not giving it to her. Girl, I love you.
- Amanda is right. I did like Ben in the board shorts with her kids on the beach.
- God bless the bloopers and god bless Kevin Hart. “That’s a racist bug!”
- Oh my god my face when Ben said in the preview in the bathroom to JoJo that he loved Lauren too. MY POOR JAW I HAVE LOST IT.
- Bachelor, we are professionals at this show by now. We know that the woman who comes to the final rose ceremony during the sunset wins, so thank you for confirming our predictions.
See y’all next week!
*Feature image source: Twitter.com/TheBachelor