Oh god, I hate this show. I hate Arie and his dumb face. I hate Chris Harrison’s simpering self-satisfaction. I hate it all. I was so anxious for tonight’s episode so we could get the end of this story and […]

Y’all. Y’ALL. I literally wrote an entire recap that I had to trash because the second we got to an ON CAMERA ENGAGEMENT BREAK UP BLINDSIDE where all Arie could talk about were his fucking feelings….. OH BOY. What in […]

Back again so soon! What will my life be like this week when I have to go a whole week without The Bachelor? Maybe I’ll be able to read?? As fantasy suite episodes go, I did not find this one […]

How is everyone feeling at the end of HOUR NINE of Bachelor land content this week? Oh, you were sane and didn’t watch Bachelor Winter Games? Actually Winter Games was more charming than this actual show, but yikes, that is […]

This episode took me so, so long to watch because I was so, so bored. I do not care about Arie at all, still. I honestly feel like I’m letting y’all down as a recapper because as much as I […]

It’s the week before hometowns and I don’t think any of these women have strong enough relationships with Arie to introduce them to their families, but alas, I am only your friendly neighborhood recapper, not the one handing out roses. […]

Y’all, my simmering and dispassionate dislike of Arie is making me the worst Bachelor recapper! I have to rewind everything, like, four times just to actually hear anything that he says. As you can imagine, four half viewings of any […]

Welcome to Fort Lauderdale! A city that really shelled out some dollars for this #sponsoredcontent! We’re halfway through? Already?? I am both shocked and pleased by this revelation (get me out of this season and onto the next, PLEASE). This […]