Everything I Wanted to Tweet During My First Trimester

Warren and I are having a baby!!

We are so deliriously happy and can’t believe how lucky we are. I have so many things to write to our little one, but before we get real mommy blog up in here (don’t worry, I’ll only go part mommy blog), let’s start real simple.

When you’re in your first trimester, all you really want to do is talk about how scary/hard/exciting your first trimester is and you’re not allowed to!

And worst of all, there’s not a lot of helpful, thoughtful stuff out there about the emotional turmoil of the first trimester because no one wants to write about it while you’re in it (I tried, too scary) and no one wants to write about it when you’re out of it (you’re free– let’s not go back!). There are, of course, a million community apps where strangers scare the shit out of each other, but that’s not really healthy, either.

So instead, I pulled out an old practice I use to keep Warren updated on my every movement while he’s out of the country: writing all my thoughts in my notes app and saving them for later to share all at once (he’s such a lucky guy, I know).

Here, for your reading pleasure, is everything I wanted to tweet in my first trimester but couldn’t because I was keeping the biggest, happiest secret of my life.

  • I AM PREGNANT CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU LUCKY I AM OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE IT
  • How is one supposed to drink only water type things for so long???
  • Oh god how much do I miss Diet Coke
  • I just ran a race with my baby and no one knew!
  • HAPPY THANKSGIVING WE’RE HAVING A BABY
  • There is nothing so nerve-wracking in the world as being five weeks pregnant.
  • Anyone figures out a tranquilizer women can take during the first trimester, they’d be a millionaire.

I already want one of my children to name one of their children Alice.

  • The first trimester is like the best diet. You can barely eat anything so you get skinnier but your boobs get bigger.
  • Some bitch just cut around me at McDonalds and I’m about to lose it.
  • I’ve been up literally two hours and I’m already exhausted.
  • I love talking about my pregnancy in public around strangers because I can.

WE SAW AND HEARD THE HEARTBEAT I AM SO IN LOVE!!

  • OUR BABY WIGGLED THE WHOLE ULTRASOUND!!!
  • So far, the worst part of being pregnant is not enjoying food videos.
  • MERRY CHRISTMAS WE’RE HAVING A BABY
  • Poor warren – I woke him up when I had a nightmare, when I smelled something weird and when he was breathing too loud.
  • HAPPY NEW YEARS WE’RE HAVING A BABY
  • I gotta tell you. Recapping the Bachelor while pregnant and nauseous is A NEW CHALLENGE.
  • You don’t know pain until you’re pregnant and have a cold and can’t take anything to feel better.
  • Something I really love about being pregnant is getting to drink juice. I never would before! So many calories! Juice is fucking delicious.
  • Obama is talking about brown kids and I can’t wait for my brown kid!!!
  • This is Us’ Mandy Moore pregnant and crying in her kitchen is me, except I use our closet and we usually have different reasons for crying.

I did it! I made all of my baby’s organs! Phew! Now they just grow!

  • I hope my baby understands the truly significant sacrifice I’m making in only drink 1/2 a Diet Coke a week.
  • I felt pretty pregnant today when I cried in the shower just thinking about Snape and “Always.”
  • Ginger ale does not get enough credit. Ginger ale is amazing!
  • No one warns you that when you’re pregnant, you get 100 colds.
  • Something else I love about pregnancy is not measuring your cereal anymore because who cares if you accidentally get more than 3/4 cups.

My sweet Warren is obsessed with baby gear and it’s so adorable.

  • Omg Warren just sent me actually five different videos about the car seat we’re getting & actually 17 links to other baby products he likes/wants.
  • I’ve only not been able to lie on my back a week and I MISS IT LIKE CRAZY.
  • OH MY GOD BEYONCÉ AND I ARE PREGNANT AT THE SAME TIME IT’S A MIRACLE!
  • WHY CAN’T I TELL PEOPLE I’M PREGNANT YET SO THEN CAN KNOW BEYONCÉ AND I ARE EXACTLY ALIKE??

Now that we’re happily in the second trimester, I promise to tweet nonstop about pregnancy and our little boy. You’re welcome! You can follow here: @alicemcalex.

Yesterday, we got to see our little boy again (and learned he was a boy!) and I already think he’s the cutest thing in the world. He is the wiggliest little guy (we saw him do a somersault!) and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be his mom. I would go through a million first trimesters for him.

 

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  • Gabrielle Seay

    This made me laugh out loud so many times. Loved this!